5 Things Your Doula Should Never Do
Are your childhood memories grounded in the 90s? Mine are. And so, I was thrilled to see that, in the newest season of Fuller House [the famous Full House Netflix reboot], Stephanie Tanner hires a postpartum doula to care for her newborn baby.
As I watched the episode, my excitement faded as the doula showed horrible behavior, to the extent the family refer to her as “the mistress of darkness” and Stephanie ultimately fires her.
Maybe I’m being too uptight. It’s a sitcom. It’s satire. It was humorous and a larger-than-life caricature. BUT, I need you to know that these five things depicted in the series are things your doula should NEVER do:
1. “SHUSH” you: Stephanie’s doula is constantly “shush”ing her, and everyone else in the house, regardless of whether they’re being loud or even speaking at all!
o You doula should never tell you not to speak or express your opinion. In fact, the opposite is true! Your doula’s soul purpose, most especially during labor, is to encourage you to have open and honest communication with your care team.
2. Forcibly take your baby from you: Stephanie’s doula frequently waltzes by anyone holding the newborn baby, says “give her to me,” snatches the baby from their hands, and briskly wanders away.
o Your doula should absolutely never remove your baby from your arms, its bassinet, or anyone else’s possession without your express permission, even if it is to perform some kind of baby care activity like changing a diaper, swaddling, or feeding.
3. Make decisions for you: When Stephanie tells her doula that they are considering cloth diapering, the doula responds “no you’re not.”
o Your doula is there to provide evidence-based information - facts without opinion - and then support you in whatever decision you and your family make. Her personal bias should never be a factor in the care she provides to you.
4. Make you or your family feel uncomfortable: Stephanie, her fiance, and her family all express that the doula makes them uncomfortable and the experience is not what they expected. The doula undermines their parenting and is unwilling to let them learn and practice their skills, barking “let me fix what you’ve done” at their “incorrect” swaddle technique.
o Your doula should be well-versed in newborn care, but she should never tell you that her way is better than yours or that you’re not allowed to practice harmless skills such as swaddling, burping, and diapering. If you’re struggling with these, she should always be able to teach you helpful techniques, but should do so in a supportive, nurturing way.
5. Intimidate you into keeping her around: Stephanie’s doula “worked for Jay-Z” and Beyonce, so if she’s good enough for R&B royalty, clearly she knows what she’s doing.
o If you or your family is having a negative experience with your doula, no matter what local celebrity they worked for or how highly they came recommended, you should end the relationship. This is a great reason to be diligent in your doula hiring process, working with direct referrals from friends and family, and making sure to interview multiple doulas to find the best fit for you. Read my recommended doula interview questions HERE!
If you have ever worked with a doula who provided you a negative experience, what did you do about it? If you’re willing to try establishing a new relationship, I would love to be part of your interview group and talk about how we can change what went wrong in the past. Click below to schedule a free, no obligation meet + greet!