Dads + Doulas
Dads + Doulas go together like cookies + milk. Seriously!!
Sometimes partners are hesitant to agree to a doula because they don’t want to feel replaced as your primary supporter. But let me tell you…a doula could never replace your partner, your mother, or any other person who means so much to you. Nor would we want to! A doula supports your existing relationships by providing strategies, suggestions, and instruction for dads so they may interact with you in a way that is positive and memorable for you both.
I distinctly remember one family consultation where the dad recounted “I just learned this is actually for me too!” Yes, a doula is there for dad as much as she is for mom…and sometimes maybe even moreso. Read on for the top 6 ways dads + doulas are great together, and be sure to share with the soon-to-be dads in your life - these are written just for him!
How Your Doula Lets Dad Just “Be DAD”
1. Your Coach
Hey, dad: have you ever played a sport? Maybe you used to play hockey or you’re in a triathlon club or you took a golf lesson once. Birth is just like that: we learn, we practice, and we receive coaching throughout the season on the way to winning the championship, popping champagne, and reveling in our team’s awesomeness. Let ME be your Bill Belichick, if you will. I’ll call the plays [ and you can help, if you want! ], I’ll coach your form, I’ll run interference with the refs. And I’ll even talk ACTUAL football with you between contractions because I’m a major fan!
2. Your Paparazzi
So your wife went and bought herself a huge DSLR camera as a pre-pushing push present. Neither of you knows WTF to do with it…but she insists that it come along to the birth and YOU need to make sure you don’t miss a moment. Sound familiar? Forget that. Not only will I be your button-pushing paparazzi, I’ll also work with your family to establish photography goals + consent, I’ll bring all my own gear, and I’ll edit and return your photos to you before you’re even home from the hospital. All that’s left to do is post the picture-perfect Instagram announcement. You can handle that, right??
3. Your Sherpa
OK, we know we can ditch the camera bag, but your wife STILL wants to bring 3 rolly suitcases and a makeup mirror to the hospital “just in case.” It’s my job to remind you both of hospital bag necessities, plus help you carry bags into the unit, from L+D over to postpartum, and fill in the blanks if you’ve forgotten something critical like a phone charger or car seat!
4. Your Waitress
Labour can be long [ surprise! ] and intense [ double surprise!! ] and dads often find themselves 12+ hours into the process without so much as a sip of water. My doula bag is always stocked with snacks and beverages to keep our whole team from getting hangry or faint - you included! My fav L+D treats include caffeinated chocolate [ you didn’t know that was a thing? ohhhh, let me introduce you! ], sour gummies, and a good hot latte from the coffee shop downstairs. What’s your order??
5. Your Backup
Speaking of treats, it’s proooooobably not a great idea for you and I to have a full-on buffet in front of your wife, after the nurse has told her all she can have is ice chips. I will remind you of this…and then send you on your way to the corner of the room, the family dining area, or the cafeteria to have a snack break, a nap, or make some phone calls while I hold down the fort in L+D. Take your time to savour that vending machine Snickers bar while you destress with a quick game of Bejewled. I’m not going to judge!
6. Your Scapegoat
Another fav “dad moment” from a client of mine: “She will yell at me, but you, she will listen to!” Yes, it’s true that oftentimes, there is no one we want to listen to LESS during labour than our partner. Especially when you’re tasked with reminding us of how we didn’t want the epidural, now that we’re screaming for it. It’s my job to be your moral support and to gush to your wife about how amazing she’s doing while making some gentle reminders about hydration, position changes, labouring activities, and more. I’m YOUR Coach so that YOU can be HER teammate.
In “other ways I can make your life magical and easy,” you can book online RIGHT NOW to explore the gift of a doula service package! It takes just two minutes to confirm a virtual coffee date, leaving you the rest of the afternoon to advocate for your “#1 Dad in the Universe” Award! I hear it comes with a Championship coffee mug. ;)
Lindsey Bowns is a professional Calgary doula. adora birth + wellness provides DONA International certified birth doula services, working alongside your local midwife or OB, in hospital or at home.