No aplogy required. #IWD2020
Last night I attended A Woman A Day YYC’s International Women's Day Meetup. We were honored to hear speeches by journalist Joelle Tomlinson, scientist Catharine Bowman, and survivor advocacy group STAND A.S.A.
A theme that emerged was "speak your truth," so today, on International Women's Day, here's part of mine:
No apology required.
It was time for a career change. I was excited to be interviewing with a dynamic, well-established Calgary business. I thought my in person session was going really well until...
"So, listen. I'm not actually allowed to ask you this, but I'm going to ask it anyway because I can't really waste my time on someone who's about to have kids right now. So, would you want to be starting a family right away?"
He might as well have slapped me in the face. I should have walked out right then. I didn't. I regret it.
Another time, another job; I scheduled a sit down with my boss to hand him my resignation. "Oh!...Oh....I thought you were here to tell me you were pregnant."
I was taken aback. That's the default reason I would ask for a serious work conversation?
Fast forward a couple years. I was evaluating a new opportunity. The business owner told me about her staffing needs and gestured to her employees in the lobby: "I'm needing to backfill for someone, as you can see. We're happy for her but I mean, honestly it's just really inconvenient for me."
I felt guilty for nodding my head in agreement. That wasn't OK.
As women, we tend to apologize out of a desire to seem likeable. And if your personality - like mine - embodies any level of introvertedness, perfectionism, or conflict avoidance, you probably take "sorry" to a whole new level.
Educator Randy Pausch once said "Proper apologies have three parts: 1) What I did was wrong. 2) I feel bad that I hurt you. 3) How do I make this better."
Looking back, none of these uncomfortable situations even pass that first threshold. What I "did" wasn't wrong. What I "did" wasn't even an action. What I "did" was possess XX chromosomes and a uterus. And that is NEVER something to apologize for.
Escaping the rat race and becoming my own boss is an amazing opportunity that adora has given me. But it's not the BEST thing. The best part of this work is the platform is has created to connect with other women. I hope you know that when you're here, you're not alone in your struggle. And maybe in some tiny way, our interaction can help you rise above some judgement, some insecurity, some apology that was never really yours to make.
An equal world is an enabled world. How will you help forge a gender equal world? Celebrate women's achievement. Raise awareness against bias. Take action for equality.